9 months

these past two weeks have been the worst. THE WORST. i had the worst cold i can ever remember having. if i had a cold this bad before, i probably took cold medicine. and i never take cold medicine. and while there were some cold medicines i could have taken, they all had side effects i didn’t want to deal with (dehydration, being awake). the natural methods didn’t work — i couldn’t smell essential oils (i couldn’t smell ANYTHING), i couldn’t use a neti pot (the water just wouldn’t go in!), and then when i finally COLD use a neti pot a little tiny bit of water dripped down the back of my throat and guess what! mucus + acid reflux + pregnancy = lots of vomiting yay! which temporarily cleared out my nose so the first thing i smelled in 10 days was my own vomit. good times. i also strained a muscle the whole way around the right side of my rib cage so for three days i couldn’t use my right arm very effectively, couldn’t breathe deeply, couldn’t cough, and oh, COULDN’T BLOW MY DAMN NOSE. the middle day of THAT business was the worst one of the entire two weeks. i felt so, so pathetic and it was so, so sad.

i haven’t been able to smell or taste most things for almost two weeks now. that’s so crazy! last week we ate the worst, most random dinners ever. i just couldn’t bring myself to cook when i was so tired and when i knew the kids wouldn’t eat half of what i made anyway. of course they loved having egg sandwiches and cous cous with crumbled tofu and red sauce. so i don’t really need to feel terrible about it, but poor jeremy definitely had some strange meals.

i didn’t have an appetite and the baby hadn’t dropped yet, so i never had any idea about when to eat or how much — thus the frequent and terrible heart burn EVEN THOUGH I WAS SLEEPING ALMOST SITTING UP.

the only good part, if you can call it a good part, is that after a few days, calum got the cold too, and so we took a couple of naps this week and that definitely helped.

but oh, what a low, low point in the pregnancy. i thought we were finished we colds — we had ALL. THE. COLDS. this winter. how could there be more colds?? — and the weather last week was often beautiful. it was such drag to just be inside lying around being miserable. we tried to go out on friday this past week — it was almost 70 and GORGEOUS and calum and i just ended up sitting in the backyard in the sun feeling sad. we went back inside and crashed on the couch. ridiculous.

i’m on the upswing now, finally. people keep saying, “how do you feel? you look so much better!” which is really depressing, since i don’t even feel WELL yet. i can’t imagine how terrible i must have looked a few days ago, ha! poor calum is a few days behind and isn’t quite recovered yet, although i think he is on the mend too. no more fevers and napping or puking up mucus (!!!). it’s been rough around here. gus has the cold too, but it doesn’t appear to be hitting him as hard. i hope he misses the worst of it, because, ugh. my sinuses were just packed and the pressure was miserable and unrelenting UGH. i found some acupressure points that helped for about a day, and then.. not again.

but i could smell the lilacs a little today — hurray! and vaporub and my lavender scented lip balm. nothing clears my nose out yet, but i’m getting to a better place and that is good. i’m usually able to be a fairly good sport about being sick, but this time was just too much.

we had our home visit. jeremy finally got to be at an appointment (we haven’t even tried to schedule them for when he can do it. with work and getting gus to school, it’s just easier not to. plus.. we’ve done this business before. i got to the appointments to keep an eye on things, but everything is boringly normal and healthy and fine. jeremy really isn’t missing anything). it was nice because he got a chance to talk a little bit about what he is thinking and feeling about the birth and that’s always important to be able to do. the kids played the iPad, ha!

but that’s about all to report about the littlest one. still moving a lot. and when the moves happen they are BIG. i can’t tell why, exactly, and i’m curious to see just how much bigger this one is going to be. definitely 7 or possibly 8 lbs, but maybe it’s just that the placenta is on the right side instead of right in the front. or maybe this one just moves with bigger moves. i don’t know. but lots of creepy business happens with my belly when the baby moves which is very wild. and unusual compared to the other two.

and my belly is getting big enough that friends who have seen me just a few days ago and who know better than to say things about just how big a pregnant lady looks still can’t help themselves from remarking on the size of my belly. it’s LARGE for me. it looks like my butt has entirely disappeared — and let me assure you it has not, not by a long shot — and yet it’s really just only in contrast to my HUGE belly.

i’ve been wearing more skirts, they’re just more comfortable,  and long tank tops with what look like children’s t shirts on top. my hoodie looks like a crop top. it’s just all very odd.

i have bought the ingredients for a casserole to freeze and hope to make it next week. i’m going to get all the dry ingredients mixed for tiniest hero’s birth day cake, so the kids can make it with their doula on the big day. everything is ready, everything is in place. it’s just waiting now.

now that this cold is on the way out, i’m okay with these last few weeks of waiting. i feel pretty normal again, comparatively, and so i don’t feel rushed to get this crazy thing out of me just yet. but it still remains crazy to realize i won’t be pregnant for that much longer and then i won’t be pregnant ever ever again. i don’t want to be pregnant ever ever again (EVER), but it’s crazy to realize that stage is over, too. i know i keep saying it, but it’s been 6 years of making and having babies, longer than college or grad school, so it’s not too off base to say it’s a big change.

still, we’re ready. now it’s just time to guess just when it’s all going to happen. which is actually pretty fun.

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